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Hogarth judge

November 2017

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Hogarth judge

Makes a great gift!

For some time now, the drugstore has stocked piss tests in a box. These test, or purport to test, for the signs of marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, LSD, and more recently, steroids in someone's urine, all in a simple box you can take and use at home, apparently rather like the home pregnancy tests. Parents who don't want to be bothered by their children dropping by when they end up in the nursing home should take advantage of this handy opportunity.

Today, I noticed that these products had been joined by a new offering, apparently from the same people. The drugstore now offers an in home paternity test kit in a box. The kit itself is inexpensive - apparently all it contains is a number of test tubes and swabs - but getting results requires that it be mailed in and the payment of a hefty lab fee.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to visualize the charming domestic conversation that is likely to follow from the purchase of the kit and the proposal that it be used.

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